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Cow Puns
Good Cow Puns
Why did the farmer stop telling cow puns?
Because he butchered every joke.
Why was the cow afraid?
He was a cow-herd.
What did the cow confess to his therapist?
âI feel seen but not herd.â
Why do cows have hooves instead of feet?
Because they lactose.
Why was the cow so afraid of messing up?
Because the steaks were high.
Why did the cow jump over the moon?
Because the farmerâs hands were cold.
Why did the cow start a fight with his buddy?
There was real beef between them!
What do you get when you cross a cow and a rooster?
Roost beef.
What did the cow say to her misbehaving calf?
I am not amoosed by you.
What do you get from a pampered cow?
Spoiled milk.
What did the farmer say when his cow wouldnât produce milk?
This is udderly problematic!
Whatâs a cowâs favorite newspaper?
The Daily Moos.
Why donât most cows lie?
They can smell bull.
What do you get when you cross a cow and a dog?
Hound beef.
Why are cows always broke?
Someoneâs always milking them dry.
What do you get when you cross an angry sheep and a moody cow?
A baaaaaaad mooooood.
Why was the farmer mad at his cow?
The excuse she gave was a bunch of bull.
What does a farmer talk about when sheâs milking a cow?
Udder nonsense.
What happens when a calf gives her mom an attitude?
She tans its hide.
What did the cow say to its therapist?
âI feel seen but not herd.â
How does a cow avoid acting rashly?
She takes stock of the situation first.
What did the cow say to all her friends?
I am legen-dairy.
Why did the farmer always show up on time for dinner?
If he didnât, his wife would have a cow.
What did the Auntie cow say to her niece?
Youâre so udderly cute!
How did the bull earn the farmerâs trust?
He said, âSeriously, have I ever steered you wrong?â
What do you call two ducks and a cow?
Quackers and milk.
Why is it so hard to hurt a cowâs feelings?
Theyâre skinâs as thick as leather.
What happens when a cow laughs?
Milk comes out of its nose.
What does the cow do when sheâs got leverage?
Milks it for all itâs worth.
Whatâs a cowâs favorite TV show?
Dr. Moo.
Why couldnât the cow gain weight?
She was more of a grazer.
What do you get when a cow jumps in a trampoline?
Milkshake.
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef.
What do you call it when one cow spies on another cow?
A steak out.
What do you call the feeling that youâve heard this bull before?
Deja-moo
Why do cows go to New York?
To see the moosicals.
What did the mother cow say to the baby cow?
Itâs pasture bedtime.
How did the cow get to Mars?
It flew through udder space.
Why couldnât the cow learn?
Everything went in one ear and out the udder.
How do you get a cow to keep quiet?
Press the moooote button.
What do you call a cow on crystal meth?
Beef jerky.
What do you call a cow in an earthquake?
A milkshake!
Whatâs a cowâs best subject in school?
Cow-culus.
What do cows eat for breakfast?
Moosli.
Where do cows eat lunch?
In the calfeteria.
How do farmers count their cows?
They use a cowculator.
What did the farmer name his funniest cow?
The Laughing Stock.
Funny Cow Puns
Why do cows wear bells around their necks?
To make beautiful moo-sic.
What sound do you hear when a cow breaks the sound barrier?
Cowboom.
Why was the cow sad?
She was moody.
What happens when you talk to a cow?
It goes in one ear and out the udder!
How did the cow go over the mooooon?
It flew through udder space.
What would you hear at a cow concert?
Moo-sic!
All the farmers cows stopped producing milkâŚ
It was a case of real udder chaos.
What do you call a fight between two herds of cows?
A cattle battle.
I had to stop telling cow punsâŚ
Because I always butchered them.
What time is it when a cow sits on your hat?
Time to get a new hat!
The problem with invisible cows isâŚ
They are herd but they are not seen.
Animal News Network had to fire its bovine news anchorman
Because it was unrelia-bull.
How do you count cows?
With a cowculator.
It is now legal to park bovines with foot coverings in motorcycle parking spaces.
Theyâre officially labeled as Cowasockies.
Why do cows never have any money?
Because the farmers milk them dry!
What do you get when you take a bovine and divide its circumference by its diameter?
A cow pi.
What do you call a cow stuck in cement?
An immooooovable object.
What did the cow and bull do for their first date?
Dinner and a moovie.
What do you call a sleeping cow?
A bull-dozer.
What did the bull say to his son when he was going off to school?
BISON!!!
What do you call a cow with a twitch?
Beef jerky.
What do you call a sleeping bull?
A bulldozer!
How do cows say âthank youâ for dinner in Spanish?
Moo-chas grass-ias.
What did the cow say to the cheese?
I am your father.
Where do cows go on a first date?
To the mooooooooovies.
What do you call a cow thatâs laying down?
Ground beef.
What do you call it when one cow spies on another?
A steak out.
Why donât bulls play archery?
They might hit a bulls-eye.
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef.
Where do cows get all their medicine?
The farmacy.
Why did the secret service surround the president with dozens of cows?
They were trying to beef up security.
How does a cow become invisible?
Through camooflage.
Why do cows have hooves instead of feet?
Because they lactose.
What do you get when you cross a cow and a smurf?
Blue cheese.
What did the mother cow say to the baby cow?
Itâs pasture bedtime.
My cow just wandered into a field of marijuanaâŚ
The steaks have never been so high!
What did the cow confess to his therapist?
âI feel seen but not herd.â
What does a cow watch?
MooTube.
What do you call an Arab next to a cow?
Milk Sheikh
What do you call a feminine cow?
A dairy queen.
What do cows sing at their friendâs birthday parties?
âHappy Birthday to MOO, Happy Birthday to Moo
Why does a milking stool only have three legs?
Because the cow has the udder.
What is the definition of âmoonâ?
The past tense of âmooâ.
What do you call a funny cow?
A cowmedian.
What do cows do when theyâre introduced?
They give each other a milk shake
Why did the astronauts take a box of cereal and a cow with them?
In case they bypassed the milky way!
Why is the barn so noisy?
Because all of the cows have horns.
Bad Cow Puns
What do you call a cow with a twitch?
Beef jerky.
What do you call an evil cow?
De-mooooon
Where do cows go on holiday?
Moo Zealand.
What does a cow put on his French toast?
Moooolasses.
How do cows laugh?
Moo-haha.
What two members of the cow family go everywhere with you?
Your calves.
Why donât cows have any money?
Because farmers milk them dry.
Why did the farmer put his cow on the scales?
He wanted to see how much the milky weighed.
How did the farmer find his lost cow?
He tractor down.
How did the calfâs final exam turn out?
Grade A
What do you call a cow that can part water?
Moo-ses.
Why doesnât Sweden export itâs cattle?
It wants to keep its Stockholm.
Where do Russians get their milk?
From Mos-cows.
Where did the bull carry his stock-market report?
In his beef case.
What sound do you hear when you drop a bomb on a cow?
Cowboom.
What is a cowâs favorite lunch meat?
Bullogna.
What do you call it when cows do battle in outer space?
Steer Wars.
Why wouldnât anyone play with the little longhorn?
He was too much of a bully.
Why was the cow always exercising?
To build up its moo-scles.
Why do cows think cooks are mean?
They whip cream.
Why was the cow so scared?
Because he was a cow-ard.
What is it when one cow spies on another cow?
A steak out.
What happens when a cow stops shaving?
It grows a Moostache.
If you had fifteen cows and five goats what would you have?
Plenty of milk.
What does a cow ride when his car is broken?
A COW-asaki MOO-torcycle.
Where do pigs learn about magic?
Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.
What would you hear at a cow concert?
Moo-sic.
What do you get when you cross a cow and an earthquake?
Milkshake.
When doesnât a bull have horns?
When itâs a bullfrog.
Why did the cow wear a bell around her neck?
Because her horn didnât work.
What do you get if you cross Bossy with a vampire?
Dracowla.
Why did the mother cow give the sleepy baby cow a hammer?
He wanted her to hit the hay.
Where do cows get together?
The meet market.
What did the cow who barged the other cow say?
Moo-ve!
What do cows like to eat for lunch?
Moo-shroom soup.
What do you get when you cross a cow with a wolf?
An animal that mooed at the full moon.
What do cows get when they are sick?
Hay Fever.
Whatâs the best way to make a bull sweat?
Put him in a tight jumper.
What country do cows love to visit?
Moo Zealand.
Why did the cow jump over the moon?
To get to the Milky Way.
What has four legs and goes Oom, Oom?
A cow walking backwards.
Does running out of a burning barn make a cow unusual?
No, only medium rare.
What South American dance do cows like to do?
The Rump-a.
How do you make a milkshake?
Give a cow a pogo stick.
What is the difference between a car and a bull?
A car only has one horn.
Why did the farmer feed money to his cow?
He wanted rich milk.
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